There’s something deeply satisfying about a letter. Maybe it’s the words inscribed in ink, the paper that yellows as it ages, or the thrill of receiving a message that had to travel long and far.
Although letters have faded as a form of correspondence, they’re alive and well as a therapeutic practice. This is because many therapists recognize their power in helping clients work through tricky issues. Writing directly to a person, situation, or part of themselves allows clients to access and release pent-up emotions, opening the door to fresh perspectives.
This guide explores some of the benefits and types of therapeutic letter-writing, including when and how therapists can use this unique intervention.
Why Write?
Simply talking about a difficult struggle or relationship issue doesn’t always get to the heart of the matter. Clients may be worried about how they’re coming across or how their therapist will respond. This can make them filter or censor what they say.
Writing a letter gives clients a safe container to explore and express challenging emotions at their own pace. By directly addressing the person or situation in question, clients experience their feelings in a more immediate way. They also view their struggles from a different perspective, which promotes insights and healing (Keenan, Lumley, & Schneider, 2014).
Benefits
Letter-writing is one type of expressive writing, which has many therapeutic benefits:
- Letter-writing works with many approaches, client issues, and populations. Expressive writing is effective for a wide range of client issues, including emotional blockages, relationship conflicts, traumatic experiences, and other life challenges.
- Letter-writing enhances the ability to process emotions. By putting feelings into words, expressive writing makes it easier to work through emotions and gain insights from them. Research shows that people who engage in this kind of writing often report feeling better afterward (Pennebaker, 2013).
- Letter-writing offers a healing ritual that may promote closure. By planning, writing, and processing their experience, clients move through stages of a ritual, promoting catharsis and closure.
- Letter-writing provides a source for future reference and reflection. A completed writing assignment helps clients and therapists recall key insights, resolutions, or stages of the therapeutic journey.
Getting Started
When is the right time to suggest this intervention to clients?
Letter-writing is helpful when clients are struggling with a persistent relationship issue, life situation, or internal conflict. When strong feelings linger despite talking about them in therapy, consider recommending a letter-writing exercise.
Explain to clients that letter-writing can be an effective way to process emotions and get a new perspective on their situation. Gauge how open clients are to this assignment and reassure them that you’ll offer guidance and support.
Letter-writing may not be appropriate in some situations, such as:
- Clients who struggle a lot with writing. If they’re okay with typing, encourage them to do that. Research shows this is just as effective as handwriting (Pennebaker, 2013).
- Clients dealing with a recent trauma that’s still overwhelming. One expert on expressive writing refers to this as the “Flip-Out Rule”: If something feels too triggering to write about, save it for another time (Pennebaker, 2013).
- Clients who could be physically harmed if their letter is found – e.g., by an abusive partner. Explore if it’s feasible for them to write the letter in session, where they can leave it for safekeeping.
- Clients with acute psychosis or dissociation. Letter-writing’s tendency to externalize clients’ struggles can potentially worsen these conditions (Kress, Hoffman, & Thomas, 2008).
Letter Types & Purposes
Next, consider which type of letter-writing exercise would be of most benefit. Some common ones are shown below:
-
Relationships. Clients write a letter to a past or present relationship.
Purpose: Work through relationship-related emotions, limiting beliefs, and conflicts. -
Self. Clients write a letter to or from a past or future version of themselves.
Purpose: Resolve internal conflicts, foster self-compassion, and heal trauma. -
Situations. Clients write to a life situation, such as a health struggle or substance.
Purpose: Create distance from the problem and invite acceptance or change.
Therapy Letter Types
To help clients get the most out of this exercise, use the following instructions:
- Remember that this letter is for our eyes only—not for sending.
- Take your time and be as honest as possible.
- Write directly to the person or situation (using “you”).
- Write in a voice that feels authentic to you.
- Don’t worry about spelling or grammar.
Additional guidelines for each letter type can be found below.
Letters to a Past or Present Relationship
Relationships can leave a lot of unfinished business. This may be because a relationship ends abruptly or it’s too risky or hard to be honest. Over time, unexpressed feelings can lead to resentment, hurt, or grief.
Writing a letter to the person in question allows clients to give voice to whatever needs to be expressed. This helps them process their emotions and work toward acceptance or closure.
If needed, suggest some topics for clients to consider, such as any of the following:
| Letter Prompts | |
|---|---|
| Apologize or ask forgiveness for something. | Reflect on how the relationship helped you grow. |
| Share an insight about the relationship. | Say goodbye or express gratitude. |
| Be honest about something. | Identify a change you want to make. |
| Share feelings that have lingered or become a burden. | Address anything that promotes healing, acceptance, or letting go. |
Check out our worksheet for this letter type:
Letters to Self
Another option is to instruct clients to compose a letter to or from a past or future version of themselves. This is a powerful way to see challenges and goals from a new angle.
Below are some options to consider:
-
Present to past. Clients write a letter to a past version of themselves.
Purpose: Offer understanding, healing, or compassion. -
Present to future. Clients write a letter to a future version of themselves.
Purpose: Offer reminders of intentions, resolutions, or insights. -
Future to present. Clients write to their present-day self from a future version of themselves.
Purpose: Channel inner wisdom, instill hope, and bring priorities into focus. -
Present to present. Clients write to themselves or a part of themselves in the present.
Purpose: Resolve internal conflicts and see a problem from a new perspective.
Letters to Self
To guide your selection of letter type, consider the examples below:
Examples
As a 10-year-old, a client struggled intensely with the divorce of their parents, frequently blaming themselves.
Now a young adult, the client writes to this past self, acknowledging how much they struggled, telling them it wasn’t their fault, and offering comfort and healing.
Encourage clients to use their intuition or imagination to guide what they write.
Check out our worksheets for these letter types:
Letters to Situations
The life situations faced by clients often dominate their thoughts. It can be helpful to take a step back and view these challenges as separate from their core self or identity. This is sometimes referred to as “externalizing the problem.”
By seeing themselves as distinct from their problems, clients can more easily manage them and come up with creative solutions. Writing a letter to the problematic situation is one way to do this.
Below are some situations that lend themselves to this kind of therapy letter:
| Letters to Situations | |
|---|---|
|
Illnesses or physical health conditions Examples: cancer, diabetes, body parts affected by illness or incapacity |
Substances or addictions Examples: alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, opioids, food, pornography |
|
Mental health conditions Examples: anxiety, OCD, depression, eating disorders |
Life transitions Examples: starting or leaving a job, retiring, moving |
These sample excerpts offer a flavor of how these letters might look:
Examples
Dear cancer,
I’ve been living in constant fear since you came into my life.
After years of struggle, I’ve decided that I’m DONE worrying about how much time I have left.
I’ve come to realize that what matters is rejoicing in the PRESENT. None of us can control the future and it’s pointless to try. This is the insight you’ve given me.
Going forward, I won’t have much time to focus on you. I’ve got too many things I want to feel and experience in my remaining time on this earth...
Processing
To help clients process their letter-writing experience, ask them to bring their letter to session.
As a first step, encourage clients to read their letter out loud. They may want to imagine that the person or personified situation (e.g., a health condition or life circumstance) is in the room as they read the letter. Clients can even role-play how this person or entity might respond. Research suggests that switching perspectives in this way increases the therapeutic benefits (Campbell & Pennebaker, 2003).
Then ask any of the following questions:
| Processing Questions | |
|---|---|
| What emotions came up? | What was it like to express your feelings? |
| Did anything unexpected happen? | What insights will you take from this? |
| What was the most difficult part of this? | Do you view your situation differently? If so, how? |
| What would you like to release? | How can you work toward acceptance? |
If clients wrote to someone with whom they have an ongoing relationship, consider how they might start a conversation about whatever needs to be shared.
To Send or Not to Send?
Some clients wrestle with whether they should send their letter to the person to whom they wrote. This is generally not recommended.
One reason is that clients can have unrealistic expectations. For example, are they expecting the person to apologize? Are they secretly hoping to resume contact or rekindle the relationship? Does sending the letter reinforce an assumption that their healing requires a certain kind of response?
Discuss how clients might be impacted by possible responses, including:
- Expressions of disagreement, anger, or dismissal
- Upsetting or unexpected revelations
- A request not to be contacted again
- A decision to share the letter with others (e.g., on social media!)
- No response whatsoever
If clients wrote to a life situation or another version of themselves, discuss how they can implement any resolutions or realizations that emerged during the exercise.
Wrapping Up
To wrap up the letter exercise, discuss what would best promote a feeling of closure:
| Closure Options | |
|---|---|
| Shred or tear it into tiny pieces | Burn it |
| Bury it | Save it for future reference or reflection |
| Write the response they'd like to receive | Incorporate it into a grief ritual |
See our article on using a letter in a grief ritual:
Just as it’s satisfying to unseal an envelope, clients often feel lighter after writing a therapy letter. There’s a sense of releasing deeply buried feelings that have sometimes festered for years.
Writing to others, themselves, or a life situation helps clients push past the layers of resistance that surround difficult experiences. A well-executed therapy letter can help clients get out of emotional limbo and allow them to move on with their lives.
Integrating letter-writing into your work with clients is an effective way to promote healing, acceptance, and insight. One thing’s for certain: Clients will remember this powerful intervention for years to come.
