Talking about problems in a relationship can be difficult. When these conversations delve into judgments, put-downs, or insults, they do the opposite of what we want. They make problems worse rather than better.
If criticism has found its way into your relationship, what can you do? How can you talk about problems from a place of compassion, rather than opposition? How can you work toward a solution rather than “win” an argument?
One antidote to criticism is a communication skill called the gentle startup, which helps you bring up a difficult conversation in a calm, productive way. Using a gentle startup, you will think about the right time to discuss a problem, manage your body language, take responsibility for your feelings, and make a positive request.
In the Gentle Startups video, Woody Schuldt, LMHC, teaches you how to spot criticism and counter it with a gentle startup. Learning and practicing this skill can help couples replace blaming with problem-solving.
To learn more about gentle startups and other relationship skills, check out our Four Horsemen & Their Antidotes worksheet.
